Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to keep a more regular blog. I was reading on someone else’s blog [I’d provide the link, but I can’t remember where I read it] that keeping a blog, much like carrying out hobbies such as knitting and photography, also needs to keep your interest. As I was reading this I was agreeing in that annoying way that if it wasn’t true, I’d be updating more than my current schedule. I think one of the reasons that I stopped blogging, and vlogging – because let’s face it I haven’t done that for some time either – is because if these things were hobbies, then updating frequently – whether it is once a week or once a month – it becomes a chore. And writing a blog shouldn’t be a chore, it should be about sharing the joys of your life, the hobbies, the creations, your ideas, politics, and generally anything that life may bring you.
I am in the general line of thought that reading this, and acknowledging it, will bring my focus back to this medium– I mean throughout university I loved doing this, I blogged so frequently! Then there was a time where I thought I had nothing to say, that I had become voiceless and personality-less in this post-university life where I was finding myself again, the new me, the one with the education and not really knowing what to do with it – the one that developed an addiction to knitting and everything that has gone with it.
In terms of reading blogs, there was something a long while back now that I read which said you don’t always have to have ambition and that you can be content in what you do, whether you are at the top of the food chain, or the bottom. As long as you are happy within yourself, then what is the problem? This is a philosophy that I want to take with me more often – you don’t always have to aim for the top, and you can be content being a drone – I don’t mean that in an offensive way either, I mean that any business is worked bottom up, and in a beehive that is the drones. There is nothing wrong with being a drone. I would suggest that self improvement should always be key, but there is nothing wrong with being a drone in this life, in this age.
I have also come to realise over the past few weeks that I don’t hate myself as much as I thought I did, and this realisation also comes from reading through other peoples’ blogs. I have issues with myself, my weight, my looks and even the fact that I am not exactly easy to approach, and can actually be incredibly standoffish, but I don’t hate myself. Over the next year I do plan to lose some weight – hopefully at least a stone, possibly more. I plan to do this in half a stone goals so that I am more comfortable with myself. But I don’t hate myself. I was reading about someone’s battle with weight, and their body issues… and embarrassingly, their issues made me realise that mine weren’t so bad. So, anonymous person, thank you for this, and for making me realise that my mindset is actually in a safe place, where I can lose my weight but in a controlled and safe manner.
I have this thing where I frequently dream, nightmares really, about the end of the world. I know I wrote about it in my previous blog – the end of the world that is – but I don’t think that had anything to do with this – I dreamt that the world ended. Again. In this dream, for some unknown reason, the UK launched nuclear weapons at Iran and Iraq. The reasoning in the nightmare is no longer clear, but it was the cusp, that the appropriate action wasn’t taken and the weapons launched. But there was a problem with them, and the turned back to the UK and that for some reason targeted Norfolk, and it was obliterated from the map, and destroyed the rest of the country. There was another that landed in the sea, exploded and the country sank a bit. It both stupid and terrifying at the same time and was enough to wake me up in a cold sweat and needing to calm down. I’m sure I’ll check out the online dream dictionary at some point, but considering my family is from a line of witches I don’t want to over think the power of dreams and what something like this could mean.
Back to the thing about reading blogs, I seem to read a lot more of other peoples’ blogs lately because of the app on my phone for WordPress, it’s pretty awesome, and I seem to be able to use that more for surfing other peoples’ blogs than it is from the desktop – so if you discover this from that hello!
Okay, I think I’ll leave it there for today. Here’s hoping another blog will write itself in the near future!