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Dear Bessie,

You have been in my faithful service now for one year and ten months. You have delivered me to all sorts of places, whether it was work or the zoo. We discovered the gym together, and the joys of getting someone else to clean you on a monthly basis. I was saving my money to fully pay for you come the end of the next two years, and I love you more than anything I could imagine [inanimate or not]. You are the thing in my life that shows that I am an adult. It’s not about having a driving license; it was always about having you. You are my dream car, and I know you like I know no other bit of technology in this lifetime.

The thing is Bessie… last Wednesday I was made an offer that I couldn’t resist. An offer on you, and something that would affect us both. You, my dear, faithful Bessie, will be going to a new home, going to somewhere that isn’t here with me anymore. Bessie, you have to understand that it isn’t because I don’t love you, I do so much more than is probably normal for a car of any kind – you are my dream car – but the people at the dealership offered me something that I just couldn’t refuse. I’ll still be in the 500 club, but in the future I shall be driving one of your sisters, and you shall give another person a chance to experience your awesomeness. They will look after you as I have I am more than certain. You have the chance for another life, unlike your predecessor Pearl, who genuinely had a Viking funeral.

I didn’t do it for the car, who will be called Luna, because I would have had you forever Bessie. I didn’t do it for the air conditioning, or the iPad that I won, I did it because it makes sense for me financially, for you and… they offered me a deal I simply couldn’t refuse.

Please don’t think that I am rejecting you, that is far from the case. Please don’t think that I am giving you up for the sake of it. I will probably cry when I hand your keys over in March.

We have about a month left together, my dear Bessie, and you will get a new home.

I love you always,

Kialtho

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